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The Mastery Program

Day 28

First Date

Tests to See if she is Ready for the First Kiss

The secret of getting the first kiss is so simple that that, once you understand it, getting it will be a trivial risk rather than a huge event. The secret is the pre-work. By the time you go for that kiss you must have her so ready, so prepared, and so desiring, that kiss that she is more than ready to go.

It's like lighting a camp stove. If you just lunge at the stove with a lit match, of course it won't light. If the stove doesn't light, the problem isn't with the match you are using, how you are holding it, or the way you struck the match on the box. It's not a defective camp stove and it doesn't hate you. You just haven't primed it properly. If you focus on thinking that you are doing something wrong during the lighting stage, when the problem is that you haven't primed the stove properly, nothing you do will work. You need to realize that lighting the stove itself is trivial if you have primed it properly.

Before going for the first kiss, you must have done most if not all of the flirting moves with a woman. These are the bare-bones basics. If you haven't done most of these things, don't even consider the first kiss. Go back and do them more. Get the basics handled, then move on.

Testing her readiness for the first kiss

Touching Test. You can test her readiness by gauging her responses to casual and romantic touching. Casual touching is simple and fast. It's when your fingers touch her when you give her a cup of coffee, or when you touch her arm or back to guide her to the table you've selected. Casual touching is ambiguous; you might be touching her as a friend, or you might be touching her as a potential lover.

Romantic touching is more intrusive. If you are touching and holding her hand, or rubbing her arm, or keeping your hand on any part of her body for more than a few seconds, you are touching her romantically. You want her to welcome longer and longer periods of touch from you. First, touch her casually, and see how she responds. More than likely, she will have no visible response at all. If she pulls away at all, keep your touching extremely brief, and keep up your romantic conversations. If she continuously shrugs away from your touch, consider getting rid of her and moving on. There's no reason to stay with a woman who is cold, unresponsive, and doesn't want to be romantic with you.

If she does respond positively, touch her for longer periods of time. If she gets more relaxed and animated, if her skin flushes, or her eyes get shiny and reflective, these are all signs of positive response. If she responds positively, move to putting your hand on hers for longer periods. Don't make a big deal of this, just let it seem to happen.

The Hug Test. One way to learn about how a woman feels about you is to see how she responds to being hugged. Like casual touching, hugging is something you can usually get a woman to accept just by doing it. When you hug a woman and don't make a big deal out of it, much of the time she'll just assume that you are a guy who hugs, and not make a big deal out of it either.

We usually recommend avoiding hugging a woman much before you are having sex with her. Hugging is a friendly thing to do, rather than a lover-ly thing to do. If she gets use to being in your arms without kissing you, it's easy for her to resolve the apparent incongruity by telling herself that you are simply a friend.

Also, hugging is a time when men who are starved for touch accidentally show some desperation. They grab a hold, get caught up in how good it feels to them (rather than to her), squeeze too hard, and don't let go. The first rule of hugging a woman that you are dating is that you keep it short. Short, short, short. Use it as a test of her readiness, not as a chance to get your sexual or touch needs met. You'll get enough of that later on.

When saying hello or good-bye to her, you can often simply take her in your arms and hug her. If you keep it short, it won't scare her, and you'll be able to gauge her response. Does she press into you? Does she seem to want to really hang on? That's a good sign, and you might want to move to kissing her right then. If she seems to want to get away, then you know you have more work to do in making her feel romantic feelings.

The face kiss test. Along with hugging, you can try face-kissing. This is when you kiss her cheek, to see how she responds. If she leans into the kiss, and smiles, she's into it, and will be receptive to your lip-kiss later. If she pulls back, or winces, then it's back to the drawing board. She most certainly won't be receptive to a lip-kiss if she won't take one on the cheek willingly.

Enthusiasm test. You can also gauge a woman's level of interest by her level of enthusiasm. Her enthusiasm will be shown in her overall demeanor, but it's best shown in the time between one activity and the next. It's between the activities that you do together, rather than during them, that she has the best opportunity to claim she is tired and needs to go home. Between activities, watch her level of interest. After the movie, is she eager to go out for coffee or a drink, or does she seem reluctant? Does she seem to be looking for a juncture at which she can end the date, or is she up for partying with you all night long? It's these between spaces that will tell you her level of interest.

Pretend Kiss test. This test also primes the woman for your kiss. You begin by moving towards her, as if to kiss her, at some point "change your mind," and back off again. If, as you move toward her, she backs away, she probably doesn't want to kiss you. If she stays still, or moves slightly forward, she's probably interested. The pretend kiss can "seal the deal" for the kiss later. If she hasn't moved away, then you both have acknowledged that a kiss in inevitable, and it's only a matter of time.

You can move on to the Romance Date if you've kissed her or there's been some equivalent sexual interaction. Some men overestimate their success. They think if a woman is even remotely interested in then they should move to a Romance Date. Other men underestimate the success of the date. They think that unless they had sex, it wasn't a victory. If you've kissed her, held hands, or experienced a shared sexual vibe, you can move on.

If nothing sexual has happened, or if you aren't even clear that she thinks of you as romantic material, you should repeat the first date.

Other things covered in day 30 of the CD program
  • Distinctions of dating

  • What is dating?

  • The idea that you owe something to women

  • The question, "Aren't I leading her on?"

  • Being "honest" with women

  • Her job: to enroll you through sex

  • Handling your fear of hurting and betraying women

  • Are you really a nice guy?

  • Ways you deprive women by trying to be a "good guy"

  • How you kill off opportunities in dating

  • Handling the idea that you are hurting a woman if you aren't committed before having sex

  • Tips on asking for the first date

  • How to set up the date

  • Getting rid of all uncertainty and finding out if a woman is interested or not

  • Not having a "one and only hope."

  • What is the first date about?

  • Gathering information on the first date

  • Making it short

  • How much money to spend and how much not to spend.

  • Showing your romantic interest on the date.

  • Remembering your outcome for the date.

  • Not spending too much time with a woman without being sensual or sexual in some way.

  • Using your listening skills

  • First date as a "number's game"

  • What you can expect from the first date

  • Leaving her wanting more.

  • Handling "no-shows"

  • Handholding

  • Pre-work for the first kiss

  • Timing and the first kiss

  • The three methods of going for the first kiss

  • Handling success; taking it farther

  • Handling her saying "no"

  • What to never say if she says "no" to the kiss

  • Things to do after the first date to "keep the line tight"

  • Taking notes about her

  • Determining if it's time to move on to the romance date, or if you should schedule another first date

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Mastery CD set